Avery is TTT News’ resident advice columnist, offering thoughtful guidance on life’s big questions, small dilemmas, and everything in between. Known for a calm approach and quietly sharp observations, Avery has a knack for getting to the core of a problem — often with a gentle nudge rather than a firm push.
Whether you’re navigating relationships, family life, or simply wondering if you’re overthinking things (you probably are), Avery is here to help… or at the very least, make you feel slightly better about it.
Dear Avery,
I feel like I’m constantly getting it wrong as a mum.
If I take time for myself, I feel guilty for not being with my kids.
If I’m with my kids, I feel guilty for not being productive or keeping on top of everything else.
I see other mums online who seem to have it all together, doing crafts, baking, making memories every second of the day, and I just feel like I’m falling short.
I love my children more than anything, but I’m tired. And I feel guilty for even admitting that.
Is this normal? Or am I just not cut out for this?
— Tired Mum 31/03/2026
Avery says:
Oh lovely… come and sit down for a minute. Honestly, just reading your letter made me want to put the kettle on for you.
First things first, yes. This is completely normal.
What you’re describing isn’t failure. It’s motherhood.
That constant tug of war between being present, being productive, being “enough” in every direction all at once… it’s exhausting, and no one really prepares you for just how loud that internal voice can get.
And that guilt? It shows up everywhere.
Take a break, you feel selfish.
Stay busy, you feel like you’re missing moments.
Rest, and suddenly your brain reminds you of ten things you “should” be doing instead.
It’s relentless.
But here’s the truth that doesn’t get said enough.
The mums you’re comparing yourself to online are showing you a moment, not the full picture.
Behind every perfectly iced cupcake or beautifully set up activity, there is probably a kitchen that looks like a war zone, a parent running on very little sleep, and at least one moment of “I can’t do this today”.
You are not seeing their hard bits.
Just like they’re not seeing yours.
And being tired? That doesn’t make you a bad mum.
It makes you a human one.
You can love your children deeply and still feel overwhelmed. Those two things can exist together, and they often do.
You are not falling short.
You are showing up, day after day, even when you’re running on empty. That counts for more than you realise.
If your children feel safe, loved, and cared for, you are doing enough. More than enough.
Be gentle with yourself. You deserve the same kindness you give to everyone else.
And maybe… just maybe… put the phone down for a bit. Not because you’re doing anything wrong, but because comparison is a thief, and you’ve already got enough on your plate.
You’re doing better than you think. I promise.
– Avery 01/04/2026
Dear Avery,
I don’t really know how to explain this properly, but everything just feels a bit… heavier lately.
Nothing is actually wrong. My kids are healthy, we’re getting by, and life looks fine on the outside. But everything seems to take more effort than it used to.
The food shop costs more, getting a GP appointment feels impossible, and even just driving anywhere takes longer than it should. I feel like I’m constantly planning, juggling, and thinking three steps ahead just to keep things running normally.
I don’t feel like I’m struggling enough to ask for help, but I don’t feel okay either.
Is this just life now?
– Just Tired, Tiptree 19/03/2026
Dear Just Tired,
First things first. You are not imagining it.
Life has not suddenly become harder because you are doing something wrong. It has become harder because, in many ways, it actually is.
What you are describing is something a lot of people are feeling quietly. Not a crisis, not a breaking point, but a constant low-level pressure that never quite switches off.
It is the extra ten pounds on the food shop.
The extra ten minutes in traffic.
The extra effort it takes to get through to someone who can help.
None of those things sound like much on their own. But they do not arrive on their own.
They stack.
And you are the one carrying them.
There is also something else in what you said that matters.
You said nothing is wrong. That everything looks fine.
That can be one of the hardest places to be.
Because when things are visibly falling apart, people step in. Support appears. You are allowed to say you are struggling.
But when everything looks “fine”, you are expected to carry on as normal.
Even when normal has quietly become exhausting.
You are allowed to acknowledge that this feels difficult.
You do not need to justify it by being worse off.
You do not need to compare yourself to anyone else.
And you certainly do not need permission to feel how you feel.
Tired is enough.
This may not be the answer you were hoping for, but it is an honest one.
Some of this is life right now. Systems are stretched. Costs are higher. Time feels tighter.
But that does not mean you have to absorb all of it without adjusting.
If everything requires more from you, then something small is allowed to give.
That might look like:
- lowering the bar on what a “productive” day is
- saying no to something that does not actually have to be done
- letting something be good enough instead of perfect
Not as a failure, but as a rebalancing.
You are not failing to keep up.
You are keeping up in conditions that have quietly changed.
And you have noticed.
That is not weakness. That is awareness.
Be a little gentler with yourself this week.
You are carrying more than you think.
– Avery 21/03/2026
Dear Avery,
I’m struggling with someone in my life who seems to make everything about themselves. No matter what’s happening, serious or emotional situations, they somehow turn it back onto them.
They twist conversations, play the victim, and if anyone challenges them, they either lash out or take it public. It’s exhausting, and it’s starting to affect my mental health.
What’s confusing is that to outsiders, they come across as charming and convincing. It makes me question myself sometimes , like maybe I’m overreacting.
I don’t want constant conflict, but I also don’t know how to deal with someone like this without being pulled into it.
How do you handle a person like this? And how do you protect your peace without making things worse?
– Drained and Doubting 16/03/2026
Dear Drained and Doubting,
Ah. One of life’s more exhausting character types.
Let’s start here: I can’t diagnose your mystery individual from a letter (tempting though it is), but what you’re describing are classic narcissistic traits , and, more importantly, a pattern of behaviour that leaves everyone else walking on eggshells.
People like this have a remarkable ability to do three things at once:
centre themselves, rewrite the script, and still come out looking like the wronged party. It’s almost impressive, if it weren’t so draining to live with.
The part that’s really unsettling, and often overlooked, is what you mentioned about perception. To the outside world, they can appear charming, reasonable, even admirable. Behind closed doors, it’s a very different story. That disconnect is enough to make anyone question their own reality.
You’re not overreacting. You’re responding to a pattern.
Now — the part no one enjoys hearing.
You won’t win this by explaining yourself better, arguing more clearly, or finally finding the perfect words that make them see sense. If they were interested in fairness, you wouldn’t be writing to me.
What you can do is change how much access they have to you.
Keep your communication short, factual, and, where possible, emotionally neutral. Not because they deserve politeness, but because it gives them less to work with. Think of it as offering nothing they can twist, inflate, or weaponize.
Resist the urge to correct every falsehood, especially in public. People who thrive on attention rarely care whether it’s positive or negative, only that it exists. You don’t have to attend every argument you’re invited to.
And most importantly, trust patterns over performances. Occasional charm does not outweigh consistent behaviour.
There’s a quiet kind of strength in stepping back. Not dramatically, not loudly, just deliberately. Less engagement. Fewer explanations. Firmer boundaries.
It won’t change them. But it will change what they can take from you.
And that, in the end, is the point.
– Avery 17/03/2026
Dear Avery,
I have lived next door to the same neighbour for nearly ten years and we have always got on well. Recently though, they have started playing very loud music late at night, sometimes past midnight. I work early mornings and it’s beginning to affect my sleep.
I don’t want to cause bad feeling or start a dispute, especially as we have always been friendly, but I’m not sure how to raise it without sounding like I’m complaining.
Should I say something to them directly, or just try to ignore it?
— Sleepless in Tiptree 10/03/2026
Dear Sleepless,
Lack of sleep can make even the calmest person start planning elaborate revenge involving a speaker, heavy metal, and a 5am alarm clock.
Before it gets to that stage, I’d suggest the radical approach of… simply mentioning it.
Most people have absolutely no idea how far noise travels at night. What sounds like a perfectly reasonable volume in their living room can sound like a nightclub through your wall at midnight.
Because you’ve been good neighbours for ten years, keep it friendly and casual. Something along the lines of:
“I don’t know if you’ve realised, but the music’s been carrying through quite late and it’s been waking me up.”
Nine times out of ten they’ll apologise, turn it down, and probably feel a bit embarrassed.
If they don’t… well, that’s when you start researching bagpipes.
But chances are a quick, polite word will solve the whole thing.
— Avery 12/03/2026
